alan alexander

a promise in black and white

2009-08-18T08:11:00.000-07:00

From a recent trip; short lived memories. Atleast that is what they told me.

To him: a hymn

2008-10-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

"where do you fly?"

asked the spider so sly,

to the little firefly.

"to him,to him"

said the fly in a whim,

I am not sure I want to complete this one.Something sounds wrong here and I just can't figure it out

Inarticulate

2008-10-13T07:37:00.000-07:00

They were there today.I saw them.But they refused to talk to me,it seemed as if they were afraid of something.I never bit twice,they had nothing to worry about.

Life: as we were told

2008-10-12T23:57:00.000-07:00

'But I do not love the bright sword for it sharpness,nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend'-Unknown

Somebody once said that when the lights go out,it is just two of you,you and all those stuff that you are scared of.Thats how life has been for the past one month as far as he can remember.It has been constant struggle for one whole month;the soldier is barely alive.He was battered,crushed,and churned inside out.If it were not for his one yellow-green companion and his other white companion,he would not have made it to this end of the river.The undercurrents definitely did help him reach the shore or perhaps he would like to believe so.aye

Its still all a haze.Foggy,acrid and stifling:I can still taste the blood and hear the constant clash of metal on metal,my senses are not dead after all or perhaps....

One month of total absence from the being;a detour from life.

I fought bravely.I had no one to protect,but I fought nevertheless.But it did little help;he did not come out a hero,not rich ,nor enlightened;but weaker and less stable, torn between indecision and helplessness.

I need to sleep now.This is neither the end nor the beginning.The winds shall blow again and the waters shall run far and deep,but its finally time for me to rest,to give a rest to all the burdens.Someone else must carry them now,my job is done,done well.Its time for me to fall prey to the cosmic conspiracy.

drowned

2008-10-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

I was on a raft when I took this photo.

Peek-a-boo

2008-10-11T19:00:00.000-07:00

Stop giggling,you have been shot.

Clicked this one last week at a friend's place.

quote of the day

2008-10-11T10:24:00.000-07:00

"In bed,you do to your partner what you want done to you."

If you are going to argue about the physical or biological improbability of what I said,forget it!

where to?

2008-10-11T08:11:00.001-07:00

:"Johnny,my dear dear Johnny,you are here,finally!!!!"
:
:"I have been waiting for you,all this time,Johnny.Oh yes!yes indeed."
:"I knew you would come,all along,you couldn't afford not to,you couldn't possibly disappoint a beautiful young lady,could you?"
:
:
:"Sit down,sit down please.Make yourself comfortable,I would like that too."
:"Would you like something to drink,some beer perhaps?"
:
:"No?Nothing?"
:
:"Don't tell me later that I didn't offer you a drink."
:
:"Can I tempt you with something to eat perhaps?You look famished,so painfully thin,they must be starving you there."
:
:
:"No?Nothing to eat either?You are sure?Sure you wouldn't like a bite of something,just something light,nothing heavy,I promise."
:"No?Nothing?Don't tell me later that I didn't offer you any food."
:"So,tell me Johnny,where have you been...for so long?"
:
:"I waited for you,you know?I waited and waited and waited forever.But you never came.They said you were murdered in a ship.Some of them said you had gone off to far away lands and some even went on to say you had ran off with some wench.But I refused to believe them.I knew you were somewhere out there,trying to get back to me and my heart told me you would return to me soon,I only had to wait."
:"So tell me,tell me Johnny,tell me all about it.I want to hear it from your mouth."
:"Where have you been for so long.Is there any truth in the rumours that so dutifully do their rounds around the town?Is there a girl,Johnny?"
:
:"Say it.Go on,don't hesitate.I can take it,it can't be that bad,can it?Of course it cant be,I think I already know it.Say it,Johnny."
:
:
:
:"Oh!"
:"Yes,yes,but of course,yes."
:"I knew it.I knew it the moment I saw you at the gates.I even told little Tabby here about it.Didn't I Tabby? But yes,that would explain a lot."
:
:"Yes,yes now I see.But how was it done.Ah!No,don't say it.I can see it,I can see it Johnny.
:Johnathan,why are you here?"
:"But then Tabby too?But yes she was with me all the time.Funny how I always thought she would end up somewhere else.End up,how very funny!"
:
:"Will you marry me,Johnathan?Will you,now?"

qoute of the day

2008-09-17T10:42:00.000-07:00

"At the end of the day all that matters are the choos and not the benjamins."

Agreed they are going to cost you a fortune but what is life without a pair of choos,huh?

secrets and such

2008-09-17T10:28:00.000-07:00

'Flowers for a gentleman' she shouted.

Three bunches for the one who lay in that grave.

They might do, you never know.

Its not like anyone hears any complaints.

merrily down the stream

2008-09-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

The colours seem a bit too severe. I was on a longboat when I clicked this one

the multitude

2008-09-17T09:02:00.000-07:00

Writing is the only socially acceptable form of schizophrenia-Unknown

So I thought I would refrain from writing for the day and assault you with another of my photos.

the other side of the story

2008-09-17T08:45:00.000-07:00

This a view from the bridge,on the way to Kovalam beach

from across the seven seas

2008-09-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

Something I captured while out on the beach.

god forbid.

2008-09-07T08:07:00.000-07:00

It was late in the evening,the air was still damp from the light showers that frequented the day and everything was peacefully silent except for the occasional interruptions from the battalion of crickets that infested the bushes outside my window.The interruptions barely registered in my mind however and the dead calm prevailed in the air with a definitive certainty and a smug sense of belonging.The lights were switched off, I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling,random thoughts flitting in and out of my mind on their own accord.It felt like fast forwarding through a pile of junk,searching for something in specific but only in this case I did not quite know what I was searching for.So it was that I was lying there,thinking about nothing in particular, when all of a sudden I was scared,very very scared.
I don't know what triggered it off but suddenly I felt I was going to die.I can't quite explain it,I was quite sure however that I was going to die.I felt something calling out to me,drawing me slowly to its boundless being and I felt myself yearning to answer the call.I felt the pressure building up in my chest...of something descending down into the voids, perhaps the weight of a hand that wanted to show me the way or perhaps the dead weight of dread that was slowly gripping every inch of me.
A part of me was scared,I did not want to die so soon,no I didn't.There were so many things I wanted to do before I died and to my utter horror there was a part of me that was packing up, getting ready to leave,quite cheerfully,happy to have finally received the call.
It felt like being at the top of a water slide,being scared of the height and the imminent plunge,clutching the lifebuoy for dear life and at the same time wanting to go for it,enjoying the sheer thrill of it.
There were so many things I wanted to do.I have always wanted a basket full of red,ripe,luscious full bodied apples,I have always wanted to own an ink pen along with a nice pot of ink,I have always wanted to raise a child and make a good father of myself...and at the same time another part of me was adjusting my hair,wanting to look good dead,chuckling at all those stuff my parents would be shocked to find once they raided their dead son's room,and happy that I had eaten a huge chunk of white chocolate and that I wouldn't be going away on an empty stomach.
Had I been lying there for another minute I really don't believe I could have resisted the call any longer.I think I would have been dead today had it not been for my sister banging at my door asking me to join the rest of the family for dinner...I willed myself up somehow,my whole body shaking vigorously and sweating profusely as I switched on the lights.
I don't know what happened to me today,but I have never been so very scared in my life. If this is how it feels when you are nearing your end,I don't want to die,honestly.

merely a way of being.....

2008-07-22T22:03:00.000-07:00

"Those who danced were thought quite mad by those who could not hear the music."
- Angela Monet

The stage is meticulously set each day for a non existent audience.We are our audience and therefore we have none to please,thank you.
Some of us are made to take the center stage,some of us the backstage and some of us are assigned the lights,but when the show starts we all dance,nevertheless.And there are some of us who sit with the alien crowd and point rudely,some of us who stand away and whisper rudely and some of us who remain in our pretty little houses and lead our pretty little lives in blissful ignorance,rudely.
Each passing day we see some of us get down the stage;some falling prey to rude fingers,some to rude tongues,some to rude ways of being and others to dear old old-age,to let new ones on the stage,for in the end nothing matters but the show.
Some of us dance,without a care in the world,for we do not dance to a tune.We are our own music.We dance not for the world to see,but to let free our being that refuses to be contained in a world of sane,normal people.
Some of us are left standing,caught inbetween,torn between indecision and helplessness;and the rest of us....we clap our ears and turn ourselves deaf.We turn deaf to the cries of the soul that refuses to acknowledge the crippling normality of the world.We deny ourselves the music that was gifted to our ears and point fingers at those of us who are left dancing,in a desperate bid to fit in,to be considered a part of that elusive gray world of sane,normal people.

The beginning

2008-07-22T22:01:00.001-07:00

The thirsty winds let out a dry rattle,smacking their parched lips in contentment;the parched lands heaved a sigh of pleasure,the grains of glowing sand tingling in anticipation;the palm fronds quivered,whispering to each other in barely suppressed excitement.From the far end of the horizon rose a cry,it meandered past the palms,drifted alongside the winds,echoing across the land in search of a lost soul.
............................................................

A road less taken

2008-07-22T22:00:00.000-07:00

I was being bullied by a cow when I took this one.Bloody cow.

the fire within

2008-07-22T21:59:00.002-07:00

was playing around with a vase and some lighting effects

who killed the Lord?

2008-07-22T21:59:00.001-07:00

He cried out in vain,yes!he did.
I watched with glee while
your King begged for mercy:
I was around when he had a moment;
of doubt and pain,yes!I watched with glee.

He cried out in vain,yes!he did,
to his father in heaven and I watched,
I watched with glee the forsaken son,
for encoiled in thorns,wounded by stones
and burning in the pits,he was mine and mine alone!

I am the sinner's saint,
I am the divine and the diabolic,
I am the blessed and the accursed,
I am the darkness of your lids and the light of your world,
I am the void of your minds and the substance of your universe,
I am,all that is and is not.

Far reaches of the pit and up above the clouds I rule.
There's no truth in me,for behold I am the eternal truth.

Gods I have made and gods I have unmade,
I am the son of god and I am his father;
for I am the god created and the god creator;
yes indeed,I am the holy trinity.

He cried out in vain,yes!he did.
I watched with glee while
your King begged for mercy:
and I shouted out"who killed the Lord?",
when after all,it was you and me!

- inspired from the bible and sympathy for the devil

WHEN LIFE CAME CALLING

2008-07-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

A part of her had died that beautiful Monday,the best day of her life,and it had waited faithfully all these years for the rest of her to follow suit

The sky was lit in a glimmering radiance.The moon was finally complete,after weeks of a spectral existence.She had always loved the moon

Her fingers curled around the window rail as she clenched her teeth,hoping against hopes that the pain would subside,that it would atleast become bearable.She hated herself for the hope that she nurtured inside her,even when she could feel it inside her.It was draining her,eating her inside out,gnawing at her flesh,feasting itself on her bits and pieces.

She did not cry anymore.She had given up on any show of weakness.She was strong and strong people did not cry.The tears ran down her cheeks on their own,along a path they knew by heart.

The air rustled past her;giggling on his way,mocking the tears on her face,the face that had once threatened to take his breath away.

The earth shifted uneasily beneath her feet;letting out a mirthless rumble,mocking the hesitancy in her touch,the touch that had once threatened to sweep him off his feet.

The wind caught her lustrous curls,playing with her fragrant tangles, he whistled to her the inevitable."there is no hope then,is there? "he asked her.'hope not' came her reply,soft,trembling and barely audible.

Her heart beat against her delicate frame in dread,fearing the impending doom.
.........................................................................

She had felt nothing at all,they kept their promises after all.She had given up and what little she had held on to no longer made any sense just the way it was meant to be.

She felt disturbingly calm inside,suddenly relieved of a huge weight,she felt like a gaping hole,an aching nothingness,the way it was supposed to be.

finally everything was in order.

A dry smile pasted itself on her face,hesitantly.

It was over,her errand was run.

far fetched

2008-07-22T21:55:00.001-07:00

the clouds seemed so close to me that day.I wish I had captured a wider shot.

the brave soldier

2008-07-22T21:54:00.002-07:00

This is a shot of a plantain fruit from the backyard.

floaters

2008-07-22T21:53:00.001-07:00

The place is beautiful but full of sea snakes.I was on a boat while taking this pic.I wanted the man who was rowing the boat too in this shot,but he was way too shy.

clip your wings,you are expected to walk.

2008-07-22T19:59:00.000-07:00

'Most of my parents’ friends and most of my parents’ friends’ children, also have degrees. This doesn’t mean that they’ve managed to find the kind of work they wanted. Not at all; they went to university because someone, at a time when universities seemed important, said that, in order to rise in the world, you had to have a degree. And thus the world was deprived of some excellent gardeners, bakers, antique dealers, sculptors,painters and writers.’
Paulo Coelho, The Witch of Portobello

I don't want to profess,I don't want to judge,I don't want to presume,I don't want to ask questions but no matter how hard I try I know I will end up doing all these.I am utterly confused,I don't know what I am doing,I don't know what I should be doing and I want to blame it all on the system that I find myself following blindly. Feeling totally lost and struggling to find myself in a world that is blindly following a predetermined template;with a mindset that anything out of their safe little boxes should be shot down with an almost religious fervor,I am forced to blame it all on the system,of which I am as much a part as you are.Choosing to be unaware of what we choose not to think or rather dare not to,we are robbing ourselves of the one thing that we profess about,freedom.We simply don't realise that we are slaves of our own words,thoughts and deeds,that we are constantly being tied down by our own preconceived notions of what is right and what is wrong.Why is it so difficult for us to let ourselves free?You might not be able to fly high,you might not reach anywhere new,you might still be where you started,but atleast you know you could,if you ever wanted to.Isn't it time we let ourselves free?